That’s a boy pony

do you know how I can tell?

‘Cause his name is Fred

Don’t invite werewolves

they’ll murder the other guests

and pee on the rug

I wish I had hooves

instead of these human feet

I wouldn’t need shoes

ssalg gnikool eht nI

regnagelppod ym ees I

secalp edart lliw eW

For the holidays

I’ve exhumed my grandparents

best Christmas ever!

I’m intolerant

of rail-riding homeless folk

I’m a hobo-phobe

Unicorn semen

is very valuable

it glows in the dark

I just caught our son

fingering the neighbor’s dog

it’s time for “the talk”

Nobody can tell

that my pockets are all full

of dead mice and hair

This has gone too far

I forgot the safety word

my dick is bleeding